To Cecelia...

I woke up to the sound of the 9/11 bells. The actual day that my sister passed away was September 12, to me it will always be September 11th I am not sure why maybe it's because when I woke up September 12th she was already gone. As a laid in my bed dreading what the day would hold I heard the sound of rain against my window. The day my sister passed away as I sat with my nephew Frankie (7) he said "Sophia, can you pray for rain?" Why, I asked. "Well, my mommy is an angel now so she lives in the clouds and when it rains it's because she is dancing." What a beautiful thought. Still, since that day every time it rains it is a reminder that my sister is gone.

 As I got up that dreaded knot entered my stomach- I hate that knot. I forced back tears. "You can do this Sophia"- I told myself, "if you fall everyone does". I managed to get myself out and going, the knot still in my stomach but hey, at least I was functioning.

 I did really well until I got a call from Kiohud. Kiohud was due to be home on Friday. "You are not going to like what I have to say" Those are not the words you want to hear when you answer the phone. "A fire started Monday, by Monday night it was 400 acres, today it was a 3000, it is at 0% contained and they need me. This thing can get really big." The knot in my stomach tightened even more. The rest of my day I managed to get through, going through the motions.

 I laid in my bed grateful this day was over. It was a rough day. As I laid in my bed Cecelia came in happily and said " I have something for you!" She looked totally excited. She turned on the light and handed me a blueberry muffin, my sister's favorite. Next she handed me a letter, it was addressed: Dear Tia Phia (my 2nd mom). Now, I've only cried one other time in front of Cecelia (another long story) but I kind of lost it. I won't tell you what the whole letter said but this was a little part of it: "I'm glad I got stuck with you on this journey. Thank you for taking me in and calling me your own, your strength inspires me to be a better person." I hugged her and cried. I am positive this is the best compliment I have ever received in my life.

You see a year ago I got "stuck" with this hurt, angry teenager. She didn't trust me at all and it was really hard to get used to each other since we had opposite personalities. I was the first to say "I have no clue how to raise a teenager!!!" I begged her to give me a chance. I promised her that I would screw up, yell at her, punish her, but that I would love her with all of my heart. That she would be my daughter, and that together we would make her mom proud.

Today, Cecelia can walk into a room and the whole thing lights up with her smile, she is the happiest, smartest, most incredibly, awesome teenager I have ever met. In one year she has totally transformed and she has one of the biggest hearts of anyone I have ever know.

Cecelia, I just want you to know how incredibly proud of you I am. I know that
A: God has something HUGE in store for you. All that you've been able to overcome, with such an huge amount of grace is amazing to me- you are my inspiration!
B: I know every time your mom looks down on you she smiles. I know she is so proud of you!!! You have one of the BEST, most beautiful angels in heaven!!!

I Love you Cecelia, I am so proud to be able to call you my daughter. <3

A New Car- gulp...

At over 200,000 miles it no surprise that the life of our 99 Ford Expedition's life is coming to an end. We have actually been in the market for another car for awhile. I however despise car payments and have tried putting this off as long as humanly possible. Also, I always have had the mentality that if the repairs were less than a monthly payment I would keep it. Well, looks like the time has finally come for us to part. Here is what I am looking for- ready? A luxury crossover, with all of the upgrades, that seats 8, and is great on gas, oh- and did I mention I want my payment to be at about $200 per month! Here is what I found...

 The car that I have fallen in love with is the Buick Enclave, it seats 8, leather (a must with children), 25 miles to the gallon, and all of the extras you can imagine. Problem- this car new is 50k! That does NOT fit into my $200/month payment budget (payment even at 0% would be $850/month)! I am in the process of working on a solution. Here is goes:


1. Buy used!: Buying a car even 1 year old drops us around $15k! A few years is about $20k- I have found some amazing options by not limiting myself to a particular year.


2."Get a bigger box"- In the words of Bob Harrison, sometimes you need to look outside of your comfort level. Yes, I could drive down the street and buy a car but I might find an amazing deal in another city- or in the next state. We actually bought our current Expedition in Texas at a fraction of what we would have paid here. We paid a mechanic to go and check it out for us and had it shipped here for $500- we saved thousands of dollars.


3. Watch what is added on to your loan- ok, this I will probably have to write a whole blog on!!! Just know, that your sales person makes extra commission off of every add on- all of the insurances, etc...


4. Be willing to put money down. So, this $200 goal of mine might not be out of reach if I put some money down... You don't have to empty your savings account but put enough down to give yourself a comfortable payment.


5. Sell your current car yourself. At trade in my car is blue booked at $3000 at private sale my care is blue booked at $5500- so I make an extra $2500 just by selling it myself! Money that will go directly into the down payment fund.


6.Shop around for financing BEFORE you go to the dealership! When we bought Kiohud's car they said "Great news! We have you approved for a 4% rate!" I replied- " What is great news is that my credit union already approved me for a 3.5%!" They then of course tried to match or beat it- when banks start competing against each other YOU win!!!


That is all I have for now- if any of you have any tips for me- please let me know! My ac died in the Expedition the other day and I called Kiohud who is in Montana and said I was so frustrated I almost went down and bought a new car!!! He replied: Yay! You bought a new car?! It was this conversation that led to the realization that it was indeed time for me to take the plunge while we can still make a decent sale off of the Expedition. AC has been fixed, so we will take our time in finding our perfect, new car. Wish me luck!!! :)