To Cecelia...

I woke up to the sound of the 9/11 bells. The actual day that my sister passed away was September 12, to me it will always be September 11th I am not sure why maybe it's because when I woke up September 12th she was already gone. As a laid in my bed dreading what the day would hold I heard the sound of rain against my window. The day my sister passed away as I sat with my nephew Frankie (7) he said "Sophia, can you pray for rain?" Why, I asked. "Well, my mommy is an angel now so she lives in the clouds and when it rains it's because she is dancing." What a beautiful thought. Still, since that day every time it rains it is a reminder that my sister is gone.

 As I got up that dreaded knot entered my stomach- I hate that knot. I forced back tears. "You can do this Sophia"- I told myself, "if you fall everyone does". I managed to get myself out and going, the knot still in my stomach but hey, at least I was functioning.

 I did really well until I got a call from Kiohud. Kiohud was due to be home on Friday. "You are not going to like what I have to say" Those are not the words you want to hear when you answer the phone. "A fire started Monday, by Monday night it was 400 acres, today it was a 3000, it is at 0% contained and they need me. This thing can get really big." The knot in my stomach tightened even more. The rest of my day I managed to get through, going through the motions.

 I laid in my bed grateful this day was over. It was a rough day. As I laid in my bed Cecelia came in happily and said " I have something for you!" She looked totally excited. She turned on the light and handed me a blueberry muffin, my sister's favorite. Next she handed me a letter, it was addressed: Dear Tia Phia (my 2nd mom). Now, I've only cried one other time in front of Cecelia (another long story) but I kind of lost it. I won't tell you what the whole letter said but this was a little part of it: "I'm glad I got stuck with you on this journey. Thank you for taking me in and calling me your own, your strength inspires me to be a better person." I hugged her and cried. I am positive this is the best compliment I have ever received in my life.

You see a year ago I got "stuck" with this hurt, angry teenager. She didn't trust me at all and it was really hard to get used to each other since we had opposite personalities. I was the first to say "I have no clue how to raise a teenager!!!" I begged her to give me a chance. I promised her that I would screw up, yell at her, punish her, but that I would love her with all of my heart. That she would be my daughter, and that together we would make her mom proud.

Today, Cecelia can walk into a room and the whole thing lights up with her smile, she is the happiest, smartest, most incredibly, awesome teenager I have ever met. In one year she has totally transformed and she has one of the biggest hearts of anyone I have ever know.

Cecelia, I just want you to know how incredibly proud of you I am. I know that
A: God has something HUGE in store for you. All that you've been able to overcome, with such an huge amount of grace is amazing to me- you are my inspiration!
B: I know every time your mom looks down on you she smiles. I know she is so proud of you!!! You have one of the BEST, most beautiful angels in heaven!!!

I Love you Cecelia, I am so proud to be able to call you my daughter. <3